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Love question…What should I do?

by tom44 on August 30, 2012

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Question by James J: Love question…What should I do?
OK…I’m 22 and in the Navy. Joined this year. Last month, I broke up with my girlfriend (20) of 4 years. I’m stationed in Charleston, SC right now and she’s in Orlando,FL. The reason I broke up with her bc she wasn’t motivated to better herself. She hadn’t worked since January and I was basically a crutch to her. I paid for her to get her CNA license but she never used it to get a job. I paid her phone bill and gave her $ when she needed it. I love her with all my heart, then and still now. But like I said I broke up with her, but I also think long distance and other stressors played a role in us breaking up. Before the breakup, we talked about marriage and what not…I even purchased a ring. Well, soon after the breakup, I started to talk to this other female on base. We hit it off like no other. It’s only been a month and love is already tossed around. About a week and a half ago, I realized that I still have strong feelings for my ex. But I also love this new girl. Is it possible for 2 people to make you feel the same? My ex has been through hell this past month bc I was her everything. She’s on her feet now…has 2 jobs and going to school. She wants to get back together with me. I know that if I did, we could go the distance, but like I said, I love this other girl as well. I’m torn. If I found a way to break up with the new girl, she would probably become depressed. I’m lost. Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated.
Lily – No…I just know how a woman is supposed to be treated. 🙂
Strawberriland – I really didn’t care that my ex got 2 jobs after we broke up. That just shows she did it for me and not herself kinda. So that has nothing to do with it. About a week ago, I realized that even though she wasn’t motivated, she had my back. She was there for me in my time of need. We made each other happy. I know what I need to do, but I’m not good at hurting people’s feelings…point blank. Plus I see this new girl everyday. That makes things that much harder for me. Holy sh*t there is so much more to this story…
Any more answers or comments?

Best answer:

Answer by Lily
It sure is funny how the girls you are with are oh so dependent on you and the girls that are not with you are flourishing. I think you like being the big man and having them lean on you. Your old gf wasted enough of her life being your patsy, let her be so she can go on her way. Stick with the new girl for a bit, besides she is closer to you physically and you can actually get some from her.

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4 thoughts on “Love question…What should I do?

  1. sox fan says:

    i would go back to the other girl..she probably did the 2 job thing for you..plus you obviously have more history with her. but you shouldnt be afraid the girls gonna be depressed if you want to break up with her. that shouldnt keep you from possibly being happy with someone else.

  2. strawberrieland says:

    You obviously have to leave one to be with the other. It’s not your responsibility whether one will be depressed as a consequence or not. That shouldn’t stop you from being with the person you love.

    There’s much meditating that needs to be done on your part. Ask yourself key questions that may help you decide. I personally don’t think you can love both with the same intensity. Define the love you have for each one.

    Why do you want your ex now? Because she is doing what you would have liked her to do in the past? Or for who she is, what she represents in your life, how much you miss her?

    Be careful not to confuse obligation, need, not wanting to be lonely, or responsibility, with love.

    When you started a new relationship, how deeply did you care about this new woman and how did she make you feel, BEFORE you found out what your ex was accomplishing?

    Above anything, though, be honest with both. Perhaps something either one says can help you determine your future with one or the other.

    Hope things really work out! 🙂

    Well, James, you wanted advice. I suppose you answered your own questions. We’re only answering based on the info. you provided and on our own personal experiences.

  3. ? says:

    She hadn’t worked since January and I was basically a crutch to her

    She’s on her feet now…has 2 jobs and going to school. She wants to get back together with me. I know that if I did, we could go the distance

    She took you reasons now she is proving herself. Do not mistake lust and infatuation for love.My advice is go with what you know. She has been there four years . I bet she will go the millage your asking for.Talk about it , Talk seriously see if you think you can go the distance too.

  4. sammynavy87 says:

    Ok one you shouldn’t have dumped the other girl just because she didn’t have a job at the time i mean some people just need a break sometimes and if you really love her then i would seriously take her back i mean all the signs are there i mean i am not saying you don’t love this other chick but if you are still thinking of your ex while in this relationship with the other girl then there has to be a reason and you probly only fell so fast for the other girl cause it was difreant from your ex that you had been with for the past five years you no it is going to hurt the other girl to but think how your ex feels she has been with you for 4 years and you said your self that you no that you too could go the distance so i really think you should get back with your ex it sounds like you too really love each other and take it from someone else in the navy you can go the distance my wife didn’t see me for six months and still loved me just as much when she saw me after as she did when i got back home so really dude i would take her back!!!

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