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how do i escape from my alcoholic husband???

by tom44 on September 11, 2012

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Question by swirl: how do i escape from my alcoholic husband???
well to make a long story short we have no kids together we moved from san diego to salinas and i am injured from work have been since april 06.i have carpell tunnel in both my wrists and a back injury,i also have no family or friends,so its not like i can go to anyone for help.i have tried to go to shelters and they only accept women with kids and for the other i can only be there 1 month.he is very mean and i want to leave but with my injury i cannot do even hurts to drive,bathe,etc…im living with his mother and she is tired of his ways as well.i do not know what to do because i am in a bad spot with not being able to just move cause i would have to replace my doctor get a new lawyer etc.its a tough situation cause even if i left and tried to get a job society is not too good with the disabilty and to get a job with these injuries is nearly impossible.i am a trained cna but cannot do it with this.he is mean when he drinks and im sick of it,what do u suggest!
please do not tell me just leave cause ive been homeless before and i cannot let my credit go to crap i have over 300 to pay each month for car,creditcard,etc…

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Answer by ~~~NewOrleansLady~~~~
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31 thoughts on “how do i escape from my alcoholic husband???

  1. mo says:

    i say you leave

  2. bic says:

    wow one excuse after another. just leave.

  3. dante says:

    Well the best thing to do is get him help. If his mother is feeling the same way you should gang up on him.

  4. April W says:

    Pray for him and try to get him some counseling. . . ask his mother for help in that.

  5. melodytcromer says:

    give him more booze maybe he’ll pass out and die

  6. im Zo fly says:

    save some money and leave him

  7. Juju says:

    Go to Al-anon..they have all the anwers for those living with alcoholics.

  8. jordan says:

    Intervention with your husband, get his family together and try and hold an intervention. sorry if its not very good advice, but having a disabilitty means you can’t really support yourself on your own. You need to find someone that you know that would help you out.

  9. Cinergy says:

    You are in such a terrible spot. If she is tired of him as well won’t she ask him to leave until you get on your feet. I know that sounds awful. Do you have family? I will think of you…I am so sorry this in happening to you.

  10. Craig M says:

    Get him really drunk. Drive him up a real winding road and then get out of the car at the top and run like Hell. Then call the cops on your cell phone and tell them there is a drunk driver on the road and give them the license plate number. He will end up in jail and you will be free.

  11. Fancy That says:

    are you getting disability? If you have an income, maybe you can look for a roomate in the Salinas area, or another location you wish to live. Are you expecting an insurance settlement? Man, you really are in a bad situation. I’d contact social services and see if they have any recommendations. You need a case worker.

  12. Cathy says:

    You need to get yourself in better health get back to work and get the hell out.

  13. simplebutsweet13 says:

    well, you want to basically get away from him, almost like a divorce, but that’s not an option, right? so, my suggestion is since the house is entitled to you as well, get a tro (temporary restarining order) on him that way, you still get benefits, and you have the house to live in, how about that??? also, may I suggest you look for a much better job just so that when you finally get fed up enough with your husband, you have enough money to rely on for yourself, that way, you can get a divorce without worrying about money, just an idea, best of luck to you, and beleive me, i feel bad for you! ~Simplebutesweet13

  14. scottish football ....nuff said says:

    in UK we have Citizens Advice Bureau…….
    im not sure if u have something similar in USA….
    but it helps people having problems like yrs…and is free….

  15. Jose L says:

    does’nt sound like you are going anywhere, no matter what advice anyone gives you. Reread your own post and see how negative it is. You just gave us an x amount of reasons why you can’t leave. You must like staying there.I hink its time you do what you know you have to do. Take care of yourself no one is going to do it for you. I know it’s not easy , but i can’t sit here and lie to you either. Good Luck i hope you what is best for you.

  16. jtnccc says:

    go to a clic, there are safe houses for abused women, go to the police station, and talk to them abiut your husband, then tell them u want to go to a clinic, and then tell them that u want to file charges for abuse and assult against them, make sure that you show them any bruses that you have and any marks you have from your other half. go asap, and don’t be afraid to tell anyone else this. like the police and social services. if u tell them, they can help u find a place to live, o and file for a divoce, you don’t need to put up with this crap.

  17. aliciamichelle06 says:

    It sounds like the only thing you have to lose is your life, and that may just happen if you don’t get away from him. there are places you can go like crisis centers. Look them up online for your area. they take women with or without children, i don’t know for how long though. But find yourself a job even a small part time thing that lets you earn something. You may have to just work through the pain for now until you can get yourself back on track. But if you want to have him leave, wait until he is out a bar, when he comes home call the cops and say he was driving drunk, they will put him in jail. if he is mean with you physically, call the cops. NO one is going to help you unless you help yourself first. I’ve been there, you have to stand up for yourself and stop standing up for him. Take him to the police, get him in trouble, it sounds like he can’t do any worse to you now thatn what he has already done in the past. good luck

  18. butterflyfrills says:

    The only thing is to do is get out…homeless or not. get some faith in your self-you are worth it. If you have no one than take that faith of a mustard seed and give your self a big hug-than go. Things will work out some how-but they never do if you won’t even try.

  19. chloe says:

    Girl if your not happy, then you have to leave! You have two options stay and pay off your debts then leave……or leave now and you can also get rid of your car to pay off your debt. There are ways of doing it but it’s whether you can wait that long for your debts to be paid off.

    If my husband was mean and he drank, (I have things to pay for too) I would leave him, sell things to pay for things and then start my life again.

    Yep it sounds easy, really easy to say than do, but only you know what to do, and you need to build your confidence to do so. Don’t let a bully rule your life, make you sad, your worth a million more than that, go and make yourself happy. It’ll be god damn hard, but you’ll get there what ever your decision is x

  20. sue dean says:

    go to your social security office and apply for disability, then go to the department of family and children services and apply for low cost housing, although you might have to have children for this as well. and food stamps. there is help out there, go to churches. get you a roomate. where theres a will theres a way!

  21. guitargadfly says:

    You’ve got a real Catch-22 going here: You say “how can I escape” but at the end say “please don’t tell me to leave!” You can’t have it both ways. If he’s abusive and won’t stop drinking leaving is the right thing to do. Pronto. See if a local church can give you shelter. On the other hand if you don’t want to leave him you MUST confront him on the drinking and give him a choice: He stops or you leave, and you MUST mean it. Alcoholics are always the last people to know they have a problem. It’s always someone else’s fault
    Meanwhile, get “Conquering Carpal Tunnel Syndrome” and do the exercises in there faithfully and it will get under control. Here’s a link :
    Now A LOT of that back injury is due to stress from being around this borderline nut of a husband. You would find that a lot of it would go POOF if you weren’t around him.
    Good luck.

  22. tim says:

    talk to his mom. if she is tired of him as well, see if she can help you get away or get him out of the house. maybe even have her focus on the drinking as a reason for him to change or leave. if it is that bad, then you might have to tough it out and get the hell out of there. mean drunks can be dangerous and you could face further injury if you stay. think slow and weigh the pro’s and con’s of your choices. i hope you can make it out of there safely and with minimal trouble but get out of there none the less. a new doctor and lawyer is a better choice than a stay in the hospital and i think you may qualify for social security since you have a severe injury.

  23. reg22 says:

    i know what you mean. I was also homeless for 2 years and it’s HELL out there. Everything about being homeless sucks but people think it is easy for some reason. I would never want anyone to go through that. BUT is staying with him better than that? Why don’t you go to a battered women’s shelter? there they will have the resources to help you find a job (you could do a phone job or a typing job since you typed the question) or maybe you could get on some gov’t asstistance for awaile and into some housing.I was at one of these type shelters and they were helping all kinds of women in everyway to “make it” without these horrid men. If you are dead after one of his drunken episodes, you won’t have many choices anyway.

  24. yasten69 says:

    if he is living with his mom also why dont she put her foot down and demand he clean up his act or get out. do you and mom get along to live together with out him. where is your family at that you cant reach out to them for help.

  25. ?AsHHyyy? says:

    Does he hurt you? If so, no matter what the situation, weather you’re sick or hurt, you need to leave, if he uses abusive language towards really need to leave hun, you never know what may happen when a man is in a drunken state, and you shouldnt have to put up with it, maybe rent an apartment with another person, and they can be a friend to you and they will help you pay the rent, no matter what you need to get out, Make a friend, i know you have a bad back and stuff, but its the only way you’re ever going to find people to befriend and trust, get out there and make some friends. If you dont want to leave your hudband then try and enroll him in an alcoholics anonymous class, or a rehabillitation center and have the friends that you make as backup if anything ever goes wrong between you and him.
    I Really hope everything goes ok for you.
    Best of luck hunny.

  26. precious says:

    That’s a hard thing to deal with… Would his mother kick him out then maybe you guys can help each other.(you and his mom) Is disability a option for you? But even that probably isn’t enough to support you.. If his mom wont kick him out try getting a roommate and then move out… Try not to let him know what you are doing.. He may get angry and hurt you.. Make a plan and then go with it.. But you do need some help there has to be someone that can help you.. Check with the police maybe they can tell you where to go to get some help… You deserve someone who will treat you right.. Remember that.. Don’t let him down you and ruin your self esteem.. You are a beautiful person inside and out..And you deserve love…

  27. jodartha says:

    Leaving is scary. Not knowing how to do it exactly isn’t so easy either. But an excuse is an excuse.

    What kind of pain is worse?

    Physical pain or mental pain. I ask that because you are letting physical discomfort win over mental pain. If the man is that bad,….then you have the ability to move on.

    You can get a job. There are lots of jobs besides direct patient care. I agree that heavy physical labor is a poor choice for you, perhaps, but using you ears (telephone or secretarial) is an option. You have a choice. Stop letting an injury be an excuse. Lots of people suffer every day.

    If you have been homeless before, then perhaps you may need counseling more than an excuse. If you have a car. Then you have a way. If you have no friends…then make some or move to where you do. No family? Well, it is time to make new family. Family are those that care…(unlike your husband).

    If you want to escape, just do it. $ 300 of expenses isn’t that much. Get a job. Pick one that doesn’t require alot of physical labor and then just move out. It isn’t that hard. It just feels hard since you are use to having someone that will minimally take care of you.

    Being alone may feel scary but it is better than continually feeling that you need to escape. If you can’t leave then focus your energies into doing exactly what you need to do to leave.

    If you are thinking of a reason of why it won’t work, then you have your first thing to work on: YOU. Life is like that…no opportunity presents itself until you are ready.

    Just do it. Whatever it is…just start. That is how to get out. Just stick with a plan.

  28. JustAHunch says:

    Well, it seems to me you HAVE to leave or you may end up dead. I’ve had carpal tunnel and you can work with that. You go to the pharmacy and get yourself two wrist braces and that helps. As for your back, you don’t say how severe it is. If you can get around okay, you can find a job answering phones or something where you can sit all day. I know there is some kind of job you can do. Go to Social Services and ask if they’d help you find work you can do and a safe haven away from that abusive man. When he gets abusvie around you, call the cops, too! And press charges!

  29. waiting for baby says:

    I actually understand what you mean
    my only advise is if he is not physically abusing you,and when he get drunk maybe you can find ways to avoid
    that way you can try to save anough to make move when you are ready
    and try to get you doc to recommend physicall theraphy
    if he has not yet done so maybe that might help you at least drive or help yourself some more
    Good luck & I hope you can find a way out soon
    Take care

  30. I39 says:

    Sue dean has good advice, but in my state you do not have to have children to receive housing assistance. One woman I know pays $ 38 per month out of her pocket and she lives alone and has disability. There has to be a way out for you. You obvioiusly have internet access, so look up services that are available in your area. If there are not services available in your area that meet your needs, consider relocating. It might be best anyway, as you wouldn’t be in the same town as your husband. You need a new start anyway.

  31. Pat Shepherd says:

    You have already made the decision to not leave! I did the same thing and have lived in hell for the past 34 years!

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